My family.

It's a very weird feeling to be experiencing two or three very different emotions at the same time...about the same thing. I was uploading a bunch a pictures from the old youth group and People City. I look at these pictures and they make me really happy. I look and see all the fun we had. I see all the memories we made. I see all the inside jokes and sayings that have come from those great memories. But then I remember that that time of my life is over. I never get those times back. and that depresses me a lot. Now I look at those pictures and see the person I used to be. The version of myself that was happy. The version of myself that didn't have to worry about certain stuff. The version of myself that no matter what, if I was a youth group everything would be fine. Everything would turn out alright. Because I had the people that are the very most important to me. The people that are my family.but they weren't like my actual family. My actual family has to put up with me. they have to love me. But i see those pictures and realize that my church family, my youth group loved me because they WANT to. They loved me for me even when they didnt have to. I miss that feeling. I miss my family more than I can express. I'm so grateful to you. And yes, I still have some of you. Jessie, Rachael, Riley, and Maddie. But without Dave and Willie and Haley and Lacy it feels different. It's not the same. You are what made us kids as close as we are. You are what made us family. As sad as I am that you had to leave, as different and a little bit sucky as youth group and church in general feels without you, I'm still happy for you. Im so glad that Dave and Lacy are making a difference in Morganfield, Kentucky and that Willie and Haley have started their new chapter in Sweet Valley, Pennsylvania. I try to be completely happy but its really hard sometimes. Because I miss you all. I miss the old youth group. I guess I feel kind of insecure right now. With the old youth group things made sense. I knew what to expect. But its just weird to not have the sense of security. I think it might be a good thing to be unsure sometimes but that doesnt mean I don't miss it. This probably seeming like its coming out of nowhere but for me, its not. I think about this a lot. Im greatful for everything all of you have taught me. Because even if you didnt realize it you taught me something. I mean all of you. Dave-you taught me a lot about being completely selfless and living radically for Jesus. You taught me that things aren't supposed to make sense if you are living that way. Willie-you taught me to think critically about the Bible and life in general. You taught me to not be happy with being lukewarm. Haley- you taught me what it's like to be a true friend and how important it is to have a true friend. You taught me what kind of Godly woman I want to become.Lacy-you taught me how to love unconditionally and a litte bit how God must feel about us. I see how you are with your kids and Dave. it gives me hope that maybe I can achieve that level of commitment with God, too. Jessie- you taught me what its like to appreciate what you have. You are always happy with what you have and never complain. Rachael- you taught me to not stress so much. Youre always pretty laid back and ive realized that thats a good thing. Riley- youve taught me....hmmm....how to sleep like an old man? no just kidding. youve taught me to have fun and slow down. Maddie-youve taught me to be happy. youre always in a good mood and that puts me in a good mood. Youve also taught me that im not alone in what im feeling and thinking. So I guess all thats left to say is thank you for everything youve all done for me. Thanks for all the memories. Thanks for being there for me through the good and the bad. This kinda sounds like a good bye thing. It's not; its just what was on my mind. I love you all! :)