Senior year....

Right now i am feeling very lonely. its really strange because i think it has to do with being a senior. i only had two friends that were in the grade above me that i was super close with but i miss them a ton already! Beth- its only been a week since I've seen you but i feel so disconnected. and Jessie- you leave tomorrow :( so sad. i don't think i really like being a senior. I'm ready to be done with school and everything but I'm not really like being "the top dog" its just weird and hard to explain even to myself. I really am ready to get out of Audubon and start doing what i want to do and learning what i want to learn. this also stems from this: i want to be growing in my relationship with God and right now I am just stuck. I'm not moving forward, I'm not growing, or changing. and yes, this is my fault. but i just don't have the desire i used to have. i kinda feel like I'm in a rut and that it will get better when i get out of Audubon and into a Bible college. it just seems like my life's becoming this waiting game. I'm waiting until i figure out where i want to go to college. I'm just waiting to graduate. I'm just waiting til we have youth group again. I'm just waiting for a new youth pastor, or just something different, something better than right now. I'm waiting til I don't miss everyone so much anymore. I'm just waiting to find direction in my life. but through all this waiting, I'm much more hopeful than I have been in the past year.I hope and pray that God will guide me in what He wants me to do with my life, but lately I've been getting a little discouraged. Oh well, I will just keep waiting.